Friendship should be about mutual respect, trust, and support—but sadly, not all friendships are built on those foundations. Some people only come into your life when they need something, and the moment they have what they want, they disappear or conveniently forget you. These are the so-called “selfish friends” who can drain your energy, waste your time, and make you question the meaning of genuine friendship.
Let’s take a deeper look at the behavior of these kinds of friends and how to deal with them.
1. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something
One of the most obvious traits of a selfish friend is that they only show up when they need a favor. Maybe they want to borrow money, ask for connections, or even rely on you for emotional support when things aren’t going well.
💡 Example: They’ll suddenly call or message you out of nowhere after months of silence, just to ask, “Can I borrow ₱500? I promise to pay you back.” But when you try to reach them for a simple coffee hangout, they’re always “too busy.”
2. They Disappear When It’s Your Turn to Ask
Friendship is supposed to go both ways. If you’re always there for them, it’s only fair to expect the same when you need help. But selfish friends will conveniently vanish when you’re the one in need.
💡 Example: When you helped them move to a new apartment, you carried boxes, paid for snacks, and even stayed late. But when it’s time for you to move, they’re nowhere to be found. Their excuse? “Sorry, I already have plans.”
3. They Keep Their Wins and Plans to Themselves
When good things happen in their life, they exclude you. Whether it’s a promotion, a travel plan, or a new hobby, they’ll celebrate with others but leave you out. Why? Because they only see you as someone useful in certain situations, not as a true friend to share life with.
💡 Example: You find out through social media that they went on a beach trip with mutual friends. You weren’t even invited, despite being part of the circle. When you confront them, they’ll brush it off with, “Oh, it was a last-minute thing.”
4. They Pretend to Care, but It’s All Surface-Level
Selfish friends know how to act concerned, but it’s often fake. They’ll ask how you’re doing, but only to make it seem like they care—then immediately shift the conversation back to themselves or their problems.
💡 Example: You open up about your struggles at work, but instead of listening, they jump in and say, “That’s nothing compared to what I’m going through,” then go on a 30-minute rant about their issues.
5. They Take Advantage of Generosity
Selfish friends love generous people. They’ll stick around as long as they’re benefiting from your kindness. But the moment you stop giving or set boundaries, their true colors show.
💡 Example: Every time you go out, you’re the one paying for food, gas, or tickets. At first, they’ll thank you. Later on, they’ll act like it’s expected. Try not paying one time, and suddenly they’re annoyed or distant.
How to Protect Yourself from Selfish Friends
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Set Boundaries: Don’t always say yes to every favor. It’s okay to decline if you feel used.
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Observe Patterns: True friends are consistent. Selfish ones appear only in times of need.
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Limit Your Time with Them: If they drain you, don’t feel guilty for keeping distance.
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Invest in Real Friendships: Surround yourself with people who celebrate with you, not just those who exploit you.
Friendship should bring joy, not exhaustion. Spotting selfish friends early on can save you from unnecessary stress and disappointment. Remember: it’s better to have a few genuine friends than to keep a crowd of people who only stick around when it benefits them.
Protect your peace, value your time, and don’t let selfish friends take advantage of your kindness.
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