The One-Sided Friend: When Friendship Becomes All About Them

Friendship should be about mutual respect, trust, and support—but sadly, not all friendships are built on those foundations. Some people only come into your life when they need something, and the moment they have what they want, they disappear or conveniently forget you. These are the so-called “selfish friends” who can drain your energy, waste your time, and make you question the meaning of genuine friendship.

Let’s take a deeper look at the behavior of these kinds of friends and how to deal with them.

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1. They Only Reach Out When They Need Something

One of the most obvious traits of a selfish friend is that they only show up when they need a favor. Maybe they want to borrow money, ask for connections, or even rely on you for emotional support when things aren’t going well.

💡 Example: They’ll suddenly call or message you out of nowhere after months of silence, just to ask, “Can I borrow ₱500? I promise to pay you back.” But when you try to reach them for a simple coffee hangout, they’re always “too busy.”

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2. They Disappear When It’s Your Turn to Ask

Friendship is supposed to go both ways. If you’re always there for them, it’s only fair to expect the same when you need help. But selfish friends will conveniently vanish when you’re the one in need.

💡 Example: When you helped them move to a new apartment, you carried boxes, paid for snacks, and even stayed late. But when it’s time for you to move, they’re nowhere to be found. Their excuse? “Sorry, I already have plans.”

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3. They Keep Their Wins and Plans to Themselves

When good things happen in their life, they exclude you. Whether it’s a promotion, a travel plan, or a new hobby, they’ll celebrate with others but leave you out. Why? Because they only see you as someone useful in certain situations, not as a true friend to share life with.

💡 Example: You find out through social media that they went on a beach trip with mutual friends. You weren’t even invited, despite being part of the circle. When you confront them, they’ll brush it off with, “Oh, it was a last-minute thing.”

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4. They Pretend to Care, but It’s All Surface-Level

Selfish friends know how to act concerned, but it’s often fake. They’ll ask how you’re doing, but only to make it seem like they care—then immediately shift the conversation back to themselves or their problems.

💡 Example: You open up about your struggles at work, but instead of listening, they jump in and say, “That’s nothing compared to what I’m going through,” then go on a 30-minute rant about their issues.

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5. They Take Advantage of Generosity

Selfish friends love generous people. They’ll stick around as long as they’re benefiting from your kindness. But the moment you stop giving or set boundaries, their true colors show.

💡 Example: Every time you go out, you’re the one paying for food, gas, or tickets. At first, they’ll thank you. Later on, they’ll act like it’s expected. Try not paying one time, and suddenly they’re annoyed or distant.

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How to Protect Yourself from Selfish Friends

• Set Boundaries: Don’t always say yes to every favor. It’s okay to decline if you feel used.

• Observe Patterns: True friends are consistent. Selfish ones appear only in times of need.

• Limit Your Time with Them: If they drain you, don’t feel guilty for keeping distance.

• Invest in Real Friendships: Surround yourself with people who celebrate with you, not just those who exploit you.

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Friendship should bring joy, not exhaustion. Spotting selfish friends early on can save you from unnecessary stress and disappointment. Remember: it’s better to have a few genuine friends than to keep a crowd of people who only stick around when it benefits them.

Protect your peace, value your time, and don’t let selfish friends take advantage of your kindness.

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Beware of the Friendly Freeloader: How to Spot and Handle Them

We’ve all encountered that one person in our circle who, at first glance, seems overly friendly and charming. They laugh at your jokes, tag along on your plans, and always seem eager to be part of the group. But behind the smiles and friendliness hides a pattern that eventually reveals their true intentions—they’re not there for genuine friendship, but for what they can gain from you.

This type of “friendly freeloader” often targets people who are well-off or have access to a lifestyle they aspire to. They find ways to be close to those who can provide opportunities for free trips, meals, or experiences. To solidify their position, they sometimes spread lies or create drama about others, just to look good in the eyes of their chosen “benefactor.” The sad reality? They rarely spend a dime themselves—they simply ride along and enjoy the perks.

Why People Fall for It

Freeloaders can be incredibly skilled at disguising their intentions. They know how to appear generous with words, supportive in public, and harmless in their requests. Over time, their manipulation works because they make you feel guilty for saying no, or they package their freeloading as “friendship bonding.”

How to Detect a Freeloader

Here are some red flags to watch out for:

1. Never contributes financially – Whether it’s gas money, dinner bills, or trip expenses, they always have an excuse not to pay. Example: You and your group decide to have dinner at a restaurant. When the bill arrives, everyone chips in—except this friend who suddenly “forgets” their wallet or claims they’ll pay next time (but never actually does).

2. Selective friendships – They gravitate only toward people with status, money, or connections. Example: They only hang out when a certain wealthy friend is around. If it’s a simple coffee get-together with no big spender, they’re nowhere to be found.

3. Overly agreeable – They rarely say no to invitations if it means free food, travel, or perks. Example: You casually mention you’re planning a weekend beach trip, and without even being invited, they immediately say, “Oh wow, that sounds fun! I’ll come too!”—knowing you’ll probably shoulder the costs.

4. Subtle manipulation – They downplay your needs, guilt-trip you, or compare themselves to you to justify not pitching in. Example: When asked to contribute for gas money, they respond with, “But you’re the one with the nice car and stable job, you can easily afford it. I’m just struggling right now.” This guilt-trips you into covering their share.

5. Gossip for gain – They spread stories about others to elevate themselves and maintain a stronghold in the group. Example: They whisper to your richer friend that someone else in the group said something negative, making them look more trustworthy and “loyal,” just to secure their spot in that friend’s inner circle.

How to Keep Freeloaders Away

It’s not always easy, especially if they’ve blended into your circle. But here are a few tips:

• Set boundaries early. Be clear about shared expenses, split bills fairly, and don’t be afraid to ask for their share. Example: Before going on a group trip, announce, “Let’s all pitch in ₱500 each for gas and snacks so everything’s fair.” This makes freeloading harder to pull off.

• Say no when necessary. If they keep tagging along without contributing, politely decline to invite them next time. Example: If they keep inviting themselves on outings but never contribute, you can politely say, “This one’s a small group plan, maybe next time.” This avoids confrontation but sends a message.

• Observe patterns. Everyone can forget their wallet once, but if it happens every single time—it’s intentional. Example: If they’ve “forgotten their wallet” three times in a row, you can note it and make mental adjustments—like not inviting them to situations where costs are shared.

• Surround yourself with genuine people. Value those who give back—whether through money, effort, or genuine care. Example: Instead of always including the freeloader, spend more time with friends who bring potluck food to gatherings, take turns paying, or offer rides without expecting freebies.

• Don’t tolerate gossip. If they try to badmouth others to you, shut it down. If they can do it to them, they’ll do it to you, too. Example: If they start saying, “You know, [friend’s name] always…” you can cut them off with, “I’d rather not talk about them behind their back. Let’s focus on our own plans.” This signals you won’t buy into their tactics.

Friendship should be about trust, mutual respect, and support—not about using one another for personal gain. It’s okay to be kind, but it’s equally important to protect yourself from those who see you only as a ticket to a better lifestyle. Remember, a true friend will never make you feel drained—financially, emotionally, or mentally.

At the end of the day, you owe it to yourself to draw the line between generosity and being taken advantage of. After all, real friendships aren’t built on freeloading—they’re built on balance and authenticity.

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Pay Parking in Shopping Malls – Fair or Unfair?

One of the common frustrations of mall-goers today is pay parking. Imagine this: you go to the mall to shop, dine, or even just buy essentials. You’re already spending your money inside their establishments, yet you still need to pay extra just to park your car.

This raises the big question: Should customers really be charged for parking when they’re already patronizing the mall?

On one side, mall management argues that parking areas need maintenance, security, and proper management—which all cost money. Pay parking, they say, helps sustain these operations and avoids congestion by discouraging non-customers from occupying the space.

But from a customer’s perspective, it feels like an extra burden. After all, you’re visiting their mall, supporting their tenants, and boosting their sales. Shouldn’t parking be part of the service they offer to make the customer experience more convenient? Some even argue that free parking should be the standard benefit of being a loyal mall-goer.

In the end, it all boils down to balance: maintaining order and sustainability for malls, while making customers feel valued and not overcharged.

👉 What do you think? Do malls have the right to charge for parking, or should parking be free for everyone who supports their businesses?

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When Democracy Becomes Too Comfortable: A Hard Lesson for the Philippines

In 1986, the Philippines became a global symbol of hope. The People Power Revolution ended a dictatorship and ushered in a new era of democracy. For many, it was a turning point — the belief was that once freedom was restored, everything else would fall into place. We thought democracy itself would shield us from abuse, and with it came a sense of relief that the country was finally “safe.”

But that very comfort became the start of complacency. Over time, Filipinos grew lenient with the system, thinking democracy could run on autopilot. Public vigilance waned. Government leaders saw this passivity and slowly, corruption crept in. At first, it was small, almost unnoticeable. But as the years passed, the corruption snowballed: thousands became millions, and millions turned into billions. And because the people looked away — dismissing corruption as “normal” — those in power learned they could steal more boldly, with little fear of consequence.

This is why today, scandals like the Flood Control issue hit us so hard. Billions of pesos have reportedly vanished into the pockets of a few, and only now do people march to the streets demanding justice and reforms. The outrage is real, but so is the irony: it took this long for Filipinos to wake up to the scale of systemic corruption.

The harsh truth is this: too much unchecked democracy can be just as dangerous as too little. When freedom becomes an excuse for laxity, when laws are treated like guidelines instead of rules, when accountability is watered down by political games, democracy itself weakens. It becomes the perfect playground for corrupt officials to exploit a people too forgiving and too accustomed to failure.

If the Philippines wants to move forward, reform is urgent. We need a government system that not only values freedom but also enforces discipline — both on the leaders and on the citizens. Laws must be strictly implemented, not as optional reminders but as binding commitments. Discipline, transparency, and accountability must stop being slogans and start becoming culture.

Other nations in Asia have proven that discipline in governance and society leads to progress. Meanwhile, the Philippines has too often been branded the “sick man of Asia” because it allows corruption to flourish as if it were tradition. Unless the government is restructured to instill respect for law and instill fear of violating it, the cycle will repeat endlessly.

Democracy is a powerful tool, but left unchecked, it can decay into complacency. What the Philippines needs is not less freedom, but a balanced democracy — one where accountability is real, laws are enforced without bias, and the people themselves refuse to normalize corruption. Only then can we escape this cycle of betrayal, and only then can the Philippines rise from being sick to becoming truly strong in Asia once again.

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Chasing Pavements: Should I Keep Going or Let Go?

When Adele sang “Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements?” I never thought those words would someday feel like the perfect soundtrack of my own relationship.

I’ve been in a relationship for nine years now—almost a decade. That’s a long time to be with someone, long enough to know their habits, dreams, fears, and flaws. But here’s the hard part I’ve been silently wrestling with: what if after all those years, I feel unseen, unheard, and unappreciated?

My partner has always been driven by his wants, his dreams, and his own version of the future. At first, I admired it—who wouldn’t? It’s attractive to see someone so focused on where they’re going. But as the years went by, I noticed how much of our journey was about him. His likes. His goals. His needs. And in the middle of it all, my feelings and sacrifices seemed to fade into the background.

I’m not saying I’ve been perfect. Relationships are never one-sided. But I can’t deny that I’ve done my part. I’ve given, I’ve adjusted, I’ve loved. I thought love was supposed to be a partnership—two people holding each other up, balancing each other’s strengths and weaknesses. Yet sometimes it feels like I’ve been carrying most of the weight alone.

That’s where “chasing pavements” comes in. Because right now, I’m standing at that crossroad Adele sang about: Should I give up, or should I just keep chasing pavements, even if it leads nowhere?

Do I keep walking down this road, hoping that one day he’ll finally see how much I’ve given and start meeting me halfway? Or do I accept that maybe I’ve been running after something that’s not really meant to lead anywhere fulfilling?

Ten years is no joke. It’s history. It’s comfort. It’s memories stacked on top of each other like old photographs you can’t easily throw away. And yet, history isn’t enough if the present feels empty and the future looks like it will only repeat the same cycle.

Love shouldn’t feel like chasing pavements. It should feel like walking side by side on a road you both choose together. If one is always running ahead while the other struggles to catch up, sooner or later, the distance becomes too wide to bridge.

I don’t have the answer yet. Maybe some of you reading this have been in the same place—wondering if staying is strength or if letting go is the braver choice. Maybe love really is about holding on through storms, or maybe it’s about knowing when the storms will never pass.

What I do know is this: love should not make you feel invisible. Love should not make you question your worth. Love, at its core, is about us, not just me.

So as I approach this 10-year mark, I find myself asking again: Am I chasing pavements, or am I chasing love that’s real?

For now, I’ll sit with the question.

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