Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Jokes. Show all posts

Saturday, October 25, 2014

#FunnyWeddingVows #NaughtyWeddingVows

October 25, 2014 0


Kahit na ilang tinik, ay kaya kong tapakan. Kung yan ang paraan upang nanay mo'y layuan. Mamahalin kita, mula Batanes hanggang Jolo, saan ka man ay hali na kayo... Mamahalin kita, maging ilang kilo ka man. Mamahalin kita kahit di ka magaling mag-dala ng damit, magaling ka nman kasi pag walang damit e! Mamahalin kita kahit hindi ka mayaman, wag lang ako makisama sa bungangera mong nanay na akin nang magiging byenan. Pangako kong pag-ibig, huwag mo sanang kalimutan. Dahil mas malakas pa ito sa boses ng aking magiging biyenan. Mahal na mahal kita pero kapag hindi mo ako minamahal ng sapat, nanay kong mahadera ang iyong makakatapat.

Hindi ka man maganda sa paningin ng iba, ikaw pa rin ang mamahalin ko sinta. I promise na ikaw na ang pinaka huling babaeng mamanyakin ko.Hinding hndi ka na maiingit sa mga sweet and love story, kasi gagawa na tau ngayon ng atin. Sa 5th anniversary natin, reregaluhan kita ng trip to Syria, at sa 10th anniversary naman susunduin na kita.

Mamahalin kita mapipi man ako sa harap ng nanay mo at kahit gumitna pa sya sa pag tulog natin. Di ko maipapangako sayo ang magandang buhay, di ko man maibigay ang mga luho mo, isa lang ang sigurado ako maganda ang lahi ko. Pangako ko sayo... Gaganda na ang Lahi nyo. I promise to always be good during the hard times and to always be hard during the good times. I promise hindi ka na mapapagod maglaba at maglilinis.kasi kukuha na tau ng maid. Ikaw magbabayad. I promise na hindi ko kalilimutan ang lyrics ng TUKSO layuan mo akoooooo. Gagawin kitang reyna at ako naman ang iyong prinsesa...este hari pala. I vow to you na hindi na ako mambababae...manlalake na ako… Ay joke!

Alam mo maihahalintulad ka sa isang adobo kahit na paulit ulit may asim pa din. Hinding hindi ka na makakaranas ang hirap, dahil sarap na ang iyong malalasap... Araw araw ako ang Breakfast... Tanghalian... Meryenda... At Dinner mo. Wag ka sana mag sawa dahil dadalhin kita sa maraming lugar. Local man o International - Balic-Balic, Masbate, Panay, Dakak, Phuket.. I promise to you since I'm here, di ka na magsasarili,dalawa na tayo eh. hehehe... Promise titigil na ko sa gambling. Sayo pa lang jackpot nako. I promise, Hindi na ko iinom ng Red Horse. Alam ko namang sayo pa lang, TATAMAAN NA KO! I promise na magiging tigasin ako na husband mo... Yung inaakala mo after nitong kasal natin ay magiging sunodsunuran na ako sayo, pwes tama ka! tiga-saing,tiga-laba,tiga-linis ng bahay,tiga-alaga ng mga bata..etc, Tigasin talaga! Hindi lang atm card, pati password ko sa social networking sites at phone ko ibibigay ko sayo, basta ba ang TV remote control sa akin lagi iaabot mo? Pangako ko, habambuhay ang ating pagmamahalan. Basta ba honey, ang mga transfers of deeds iyo nang pipirmahan.

Pinapangako ko, ikaw na lang ang bobosohan ko! Wala ng iba! Promise I'll be your better half. Hati tayo sa mga utang ko. pero mas mahal nga lang yung babayaran mo. Simula pa lang mamayang gabi, mapapasubo ka na...sa buhay may asawa. Kapag isinubo mo na wag mo ng iluluwa ha! ....... Ang kanin dahil patiti-rikin ko ang mata mo, patiti-ngkarin ko ang buhay mo, palalabasin ko....ang tunay na kagandahan mo

Kahit pumuti na buhok naten, ako pa din magaayos ng buhok mo. Complete with Hair Color! ay alam na! pag brown out, di lang kandila ititirik ko. Pati mata mo na rin. Pag tumatawa ka,tatawa din ako, pag umiiyak ka tatawa pa din ako,para mabawasan ang lungkot mo. Nangangako ako na Araw Araw kitang MAMAHALIN Basta ba gabi gabi kitang MAMANYAKIN.

Pangako kong pag-ibig, huwag mo sanang kalimutan. Dahil mas malakas pa ito sa boses ng aking magiging biyenan. Sa lungkot at ligaya, sa hirap at ginhawa, tayo ang magkasama, pati na rin ang iyong mana. Hindi ako lalayo sa iyo... Nasa likod mo lang ako palagi....lalo na kapag nandyan ang nanay mo. I promise to love you with all my heart, pero pakisabi naman sa tatay mo na tanggalin na niya ang shutgun na nakatutok sa tagiliran ko.

Mama-mamahalin kiki-kita titi-till dede-death dodo-do us papa-part. Sisiskapin maging isang tunay na Pilipino...sa isip, sa salita at sa gawa.


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Most of the lines are taken from different tweets from different twitter users under the HASHTAG topic #FunnyWeddingVows go check it out to read more #FunnyWeddingVows tweets

Thursday, October 09, 2014

You Might Be An Engineer If...

October 09, 2014 0

I just read this from a website while browsing and searching online for some Engineering stuff for work, so I decided to (Push) post this also on this blog since I am working with some Engineers at the office. I am not an Engineer, I only finished the first 2 years of my Engineering course in college and decided to shift/enroll to Information Technology because I can't stand solving Mathematical Equation without understanding why they (instructors) keep finding for their eX's (Example. Find x in the following equations: x - 4 = 10) When in fact, we don't really care what happened to their lovelife. Sometimes Y, or Z, A, B, C, D and other letters and raises their powers like (x raise to the power of 2). Huh? I can think of Superman, Batman, The X-men members and other superheroes with RAISED POWERS are one of their eX's. I don't care where their  eX's are but they just keep asking us (Students) how to find their X. And how can you add X and Y and the answer is a f*cking number? Or solving the distance between A and B to find out C?

I thought math is all about numbers but they are always preoccupied with those letters. I was having brain hemorrhage during those years so I better quit Engineering on my 2nd year in College and shifted to a more complicated one... Information Technology where number 2 is 0010, 4 is 0100 8 is 1000 and so on... And then I thought Info Tech is a study about Computers but then why we have so many languages to learn? I am struggling with my English Language, that is why I didn't bother taking up Language courses in the Arts Department. But then in my IT classes where ancient language like Assembly Language, COBOL, Fortran and all sorts of those what they called Programming Languages are the major ones, OMG what country are these languages are spoken?! Then Turbo Pascal,  C++, Python, Visual Basic, Java, PHP and an endless list of Languages to learn. I'd rather study Filipino language and all sorts of dialects around the Philippines or better yet took up Masters in Visayan Language. Fortunately, I graduated BSIT with NOSEBLEED not HONORS of all those languages we tried to learn through the years of college life.

Anyway, this is for the Engineers and Engineers wannabe's and those BS-M.E. (Murag Engineers)

You Might Be An Engineer If...

  1. You have no life - and you can PROVE it mathematically.
  2. You enjoy pain.
  3. You know vector calculus but you can't remember how to do long division.
  4. You chuckle whenever anyone says "centrifugal force".
  5. You've actually used every single function on your graphing calculator.
  6. It is sunny and 70 degrees outside, and you are working on a computer.
  7. You frequently whistle the theme song to "MacGyver".
  8. You know how to integrate a chicken and can take the derivative of water.
  9. You think in "math".
  10. You've calculated that the World Series actually diverges.
  11. You hesitate to look at something because you don't want to break down its wave function.
  12. You have a pet named after a scientist.
  13. You laugh at jokes about mathematicians.
  14. The Humane society has you arrested because you actually performed the Schrodinger's Cat experiment.
  15. You can translate English into Binary.
  16. You can't remember what's behind the door in the engineering building which says "Exit".
  17. You have to bring a jacket with you, in the middle of summer, because there's a wind-chill factor in the lab.
  18. You are completely addicted to caffeine.
  19. You avoid doing anything because you don't want to contribute to the eventual heat-death of the universe.
  20. You consider ANY non-engineering course "easy".
  21. "Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet."    — Scott Adams.
  22. "Variables won't, constants aren't"    — Old engineering saying.
  23. When your professor asks you where your homework is, you claim to have accidentally determined its momentum so precisely, that according to Heisenberg it could be anywhere in the universe.
  24. The "fun" center of your brain has deteriorated from lack of use.
  25. You'll assume that a "horse" is a "sphere" in order to make the math easier.
  26. The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to fix it.
  27. You bring a computer manual / technical journal as vacation reading.
  28. The salesperson at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.
  29. You can't help eavesdropping in computer stores... and correcting the salesperson.
  30. You're in line for the guillotine... it stops working properly... and you offer to fix it.
  31. You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards to see how they do the special effects.
  32. You have any "Dilbert" comics displayed in your work area.
  33. You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.
  34. You have never backed up your hard drive.
  35. You haven't bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you got married.
  36. You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.
  37. You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get enough sleep.
  38. You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon
  39. You've ever calculated how much you make per second.
  40. Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets.
  41. You understood more than five of these jokes.
  42. You make a copy of this list, and post it on your door (or your home page !)
 But after reading this article " College Majors With The Biggest Lifetime Earnings " I regret not finishing my Engineering course. Tee Hee!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Help Wanted!

September 22, 2009 1
A retired man went into the Job Center in Downtown Denver, and saw a card advertising for a Gynecologist's Assistant. Interested, he went in and asked the clerk for details.

The clerk pulled up the file and read; "The job entails getting the ladies ready for the gynecologist. You have to help the women out of their underwear, lay them down and carefully wash their private regions, then apply shaving foam and gently shave off the hair, then rub in soothing oils so they're ready for the gynecologist's examination."

"The annual salary is $65,000, and you'll have to go to Billings, Montana, which is about 550 miles from here."

"Good grief, is that where the job is?"

"No sir....that's where the end of the line is right now."

Sunday, April 27, 2008

April 27, 2008 0
Since I can't sleep and it is around 1:36 in the morning and I am still in front of my computer, browsing the net, reading some content, watching youtube videos and reading emails. I was so bored but still can't sleep so I decided to clean-up my inbox and found this joke story sent by a good friend of mine.

A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender said, 'Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened? You look terrible.' 'What do you mean?' said the pirate, 'I feel fine.'

Bartender, 'What about the wooden leg? You didn't have that before.'
Pirate, 'Well, we were in a battle and I got hit with a cannon ball, but I'm
fine now.'

Bartender, 'Well, OK, but what about that hook? What happened to your
hand?'
Pirate, 'We were in another battle. I boarded a ship and got into a sword
fight. My hand was cut off. I got fitted with a hook. I'm fine, really.'

Bartender, 'What about that eye patch?'
Pirate, 'Oh, one day we were at sea and a flock of birds flew over. I
looked up and one of them shit in my eye.'

Bartender, 'You're kidding, you lost an eye just from bird shit??'
Pirate, 'It was my first day with the hook.'

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Prank Jokes Pool along the Wilderness

July 24, 2007 0

Tuesday, July 03, 2007

Absolutely fabulous Six Pack Abs in 15 seconds

July 03, 2007 0
Want to erase that flabby abs? Tired of going to the gym and doing exercises but no positive results? Hungry over depriving yourself from eating the foods you like? If your answers are yes, then this gadget is for you. As fast as 15 seconds, you will have a fabulous 6-pack abs. (LOL)